I am a YLS grad and the founder of IvyAchievement.com. This forum was helpful for me getting into law school and I'd like to pass on the help to the "next generation." For the next week (until November 18), I'm offering free critiques of YLS 250 essays. Please send them via PM or to ben@ivyachievement.com (preferably the latter, in Word format) and mention TLS.
Feel free to submit anonymously. Your essays will not be shared with anyone associated with YLS, including anyone on my Board of Advisors. You can also feel free to call us at (888) 683-8878.
Free Yale 250 critique! Forum
- fats provolone
- Posts: 7125
- Joined: Thu Oct 30, 2014 4:44 pm
Re: Free Yale 250 critique!
here's mine. it's a hair over 250 words but i hear that's the kind of power move that can set you apart from the other applicants
The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race. They have greatly increased the life-expectancy of those of us who live in "advanced" countries, but they have destabilized society, have made life unfulfilling, have subjected human beings to indignities, have led to widespread psychological suffering (in the Third World to physical suffering as well) and have inflicted severe damage on the natural world. The continued development of technology will worsen the situation. It will certainly subject human beings to greater indignities and inflict greater damage on the natural world, it will probably lead to greater social disruption and psychological suffering, and it may lead to increased physical suffering even in "advanced" countries. The industrial-technological system may survive or it may break down. If it survives, it MAY eventually achieve a low level of physical and psychological suffering, but only after passing through a long and very painful period of adjustment and only at the cost of permanently reducing human beings and many other living organisms to engineered products and mere cogs in the social machine. Furthermore, if the system survives, the consequences will be inevitable: There is no way of reforming or modifying the system so as to prevent it from depriving people of dignity and autonomy. If the system breaks down the consequences will still be very painful. But the bigger the system grows the more disastrous the results of its breakdown will be, so if it is to break down it had best break down sooner rather than later.
- Ben Matlock
- Posts: 52
- Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2007 7:56 pm
Re: Free Yale 250 critique!
fats provolone:
I'm not going to do a line-edit because I think you need to think about the content. You are calling for a halt in the advancement of technology and at least predicting, if not advocating for, a breakdown of civilization and a return to pre-industrial society. That's pretty radical. Does your personal statement reflect this? Seeing that you're seeking advice on an online forum, I doubt that this essay is a genuine expression of your beliefs. If it is, you'd better have some academic credentials and experience to back it up.
Also, don't go a hair over 250.
Since you posted publicly, I'll reply publicly.here's mine. it's a hair over 250 words but i hear that's the kind of power move that can set you apart from the other applicants
I'm not going to do a line-edit because I think you need to think about the content. You are calling for a halt in the advancement of technology and at least predicting, if not advocating for, a breakdown of civilization and a return to pre-industrial society. That's pretty radical. Does your personal statement reflect this? Seeing that you're seeking advice on an online forum, I doubt that this essay is a genuine expression of your beliefs. If it is, you'd better have some academic credentials and experience to back it up.
Also, don't go a hair over 250.
- A. Nony Mouse
- Posts: 29293
- Joined: Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:51 am
Re: Free Yale 250 critique!
please ignore fats. he's not an applicant, just bored.
- Ben Matlock
- Posts: 52
- Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2007 7:56 pm
Re: Free Yale 250 critique!
Hey everyone - only two days left to get a free Yale 250 critique!
- rpupkin
- Posts: 5653
- Joined: Mon Dec 09, 2013 10:32 pm
Re: Free Yale 250 critique!
Frankly, you seem more like Harvard material.fats provolone wrote:here's mine. it's a hair over 250 words but i hear that's the kind of power move that can set you apart from the other applicants
The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race. They have greatly increased the life-expectancy of those of us who live in "advanced" countries, but they have destabilized society, have made life unfulfilling, have subjected human beings to indignities, have led to widespread psychological suffering (in the Third World to physical suffering as well) and have inflicted severe damage on the natural world. The continued development of technology will worsen the situation. It will certainly subject human beings to greater indignities and inflict greater damage on the natural world, it will probably lead to greater social disruption and psychological suffering, and it may lead to increased physical suffering even in "advanced" countries. The industrial-technological system may survive or it may break down. If it survives, it MAY eventually achieve a low level of physical and psychological suffering, but only after passing through a long and very painful period of adjustment and only at the cost of permanently reducing human beings and many other living organisms to engineered products and mere cogs in the social machine. Furthermore, if the system survives, the consequences will be inevitable: There is no way of reforming or modifying the system so as to prevent it from depriving people of dignity and autonomy. If the system breaks down the consequences will still be very painful. But the bigger the system grows the more disastrous the results of its breakdown will be, so if it is to break down it had best break down sooner rather than later.
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