Personal statement about having a childhood in dangerous city critiques please Forum

[Anonymous User]

Hello,
I would love to hear your feedback on my personal statement.
I apologize for some errors as English is not my first language. (I would very appreciate if you can correct or mark those errors as well).

I blanked out names and personal information.

Thanks in advance for your time!

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A rusty playground, empty old buildings, and abandoned factories were parts of my childhood. My home was an old rental apartment located in an infamous city in [country]. Serial killing, dismembered corpses, murder, and kidnapping often followed my hometown’s name on news headlines. Whenever I recognized places in my hometown on news and pointed that out to my parents with a naïve fascination, they bitterly smiled and told me not to go near there.

The frequent violent crimes made citizens to avoid letting their children to go out after sunset. As a young child who was scared but also upset about the limited playtime at the playground, I dreamed of stopping all crimes in the world. Even after my family moved out to a safer city, my dream remained and expanded. I realized to stop crimes, I first needed to understand why crimes happen and learn Criminal Psychology. Unfortunately, there were not enough resources to satisfy my thirst. Several teachers did not approve of my intellectual pursuit. I often got scorned or punished for being interested in something I should not be as a girl. Most Criminal Psychology books were available only in the United States. Naturally, I was delighted when I got an opportunity to get an education in the United States. Even though I had to leave my family and friends, I imagined access to various resources will nourish my indomitable scholarly passion.

My curiosity about Criminal Psychology and desire to understand data analysis in research papers brought about my majors in Psychology and Statistics. Although there was no undergraduate course dedicated to analyzing crimes at [school] University, I connected the knowledge from class to my interest. I learned the impact of environment and genes on inducing antisocial behaviors and conducted statistical analysis on Chicago’s Crime. Furthermore, I worked at various Psychology labs as a research assistant to gain practical experience in collecting valid data and coming up with logical explanations based on data analysis. I guided other students to get research opportunities as a committee of the Undergraduate Psychology Association to help students who are also unable to find class related to their interests.

The continuous exploration became my future direction. My goal of preventing crimes, rehabilitating criminals, and providing moral support to victims led me to become enamored with Criminal Justice. At Professor [name]’s Human Rights Statistics class, I presented my project on a statistical analysis of human rights violations in the criminal justice system. I joined Professor [name] at [school]’s [school] Juvenile Project as a research assistant. I participated in investigating long-term outcomes of children with one or both of their parents with a history of detainment in the juvenile justice system and collected geolocational data to examine the locational impact on inducing crimes. I communicated with participants on the phone and sent birthday cards to participants, which many participants found touching. In my last quarter at [school], I conducted independent research about the relationship between the criminal justice system and false confessions with Professor [name].

Although I might not be able to achieve my childhood dream of stopping all crimes in the world, I would like to continue my intellectual pursuit as an active part of Criminal Justice. No children should be afraid to go to a playground because of violent crimes happening in their hometowns. My intent is to get a law degree to become a prosecutor. With the knowledge of law and by using it to address crimes, I will be able to help build a just society with fair prosecution without human rights violations and moral support to victims.

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