I'm not going to line edit this but rather give you my overall impressions. I feel like it's not personal enough. I learn that you are, without a doubt, Indian. I learn about your family's impressive history. What I didn't learn much about was you. How has your heritage shaped you? How has the skepticism of others impacted you? Has it driven you?
There are a lot of ways you can develop these ideas. You could, for example, finish up the anecdote from the tavern. Did you say anything? Did you educate him? Did it make you feel bad? Did it change how you understood yourself in some way? I'm just throwing some questions out there so don't feel limited by these.
I just wish that, in general, the personal statement was more "personal". It doesn't give me a lot understanding about who you are, how you think or what you (not your family) are going to bring to the class.
I'm a fan of a narrative style with a beginning, middle and end. Tell me a story that helps me understand who you are. You start out with that, but don't finish that.
Law School Native wrote:Here is my first draft DS.
It is a little over 1 page (non double spaced.) on word and I would like to keep it to one page if I can.