Scholarship Negotiation Letter Version 2 Forum

[Cowboy]

My first attempt at negotiating scholarship dollars ( http://www.top-law-schools.com/forums/v ... =7&t=22556 ) was felt by some of my fellow TLSers to be presumptuous and inappropriate. I have yet to receive a determination from the school it was sent to, so I do not know how they interpreted it. Fortunately, I sent it to a school which I have little interest in attending unless they were to offer me a full ride so there is little lost.

But now, I need to see if I can bump the amount of $$$ being offered by one of the schools that I am MOST interested in. So ... I definitely want to ask the question in the most respectful manner possible while still encouraging them to offer me more money.

My first draft is as follows ... Let me know what you think. Thanks!

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I recently received my acceptance to the Evening Division of the 2008 entering class as well as a renewable scholarship in the amount of ______ per year. I would like to start by thanking you for this great honor!

As an older professional who will be seeking his law degree in an extended-division program while continuing to work in a professional capacity, I have been very selective in choosing the schools to which I have applied. _________'s location in ___________, coupled with their Constitutional Law Program places it at the top of my list as I struggle to decide which offer of admission is the best match for my unique goals.

My question is this; given my admission profile (LSAT, GPA, MBA, published works and work experience) would it be possible to request additional renewable scholarship dollars?

I do understand that the budget allocation for offering scholarships to part-time students is significantly lower than that for full time students but I hope that my rich and diverse life-experiences coupled with my solid credentials might qualify me for additional consideration.

Thank you very much for taking the time to review my request. I look forward to your response with great anticipation. Please feel free to contact me with any question you may have.

[raskolnikov]

This sounds great. I read the other one, and this one comes across very differently - well done. One suggestion:
Change

My question is this; given my admission profile (LSAT, GPA, MBA, published works and work experience) would it be possible to request additional renewable scholarship dollars?

To

Because of my strong admission profile (LSAT, GPA, MBA, published works and work experience), I respectfully request your consideration for additional renewable scholarship dollars.

Otherwise, very strong. I'd give you money, if that counts for anything.

[Cowboy]

This sounds great. I read the other one, and this one comes across very differently - well done. One suggestion:
Change

My question is this; given my admission profile (LSAT, GPA, MBA, published works and work experience) would it be possible to request additional renewable scholarship dollars?

To

Because of my strong admission profile (LSAT, GPA, MBA, published works and work experience), I respectfully request your consideration for additional renewable scholarship dollars.

Otherwise, very strong. I'd give you money, if that counts for anything.

Great suggestion!!! I had struggled with the flow of that sentence and your changes work perfectly! Thanks for the help and the encouraging words!

[lishi]

I think it's good too, but I really don't like the phrase "my question is this". I think it sounds bad.

Good luck!!!!!

[littlebit]

I think this is very appropriate. I sure hope it gets you $$$$$'s. Please let us know! good luck

[Da Stain]

This reads very well with the suggested change.

[Ben Matlock]

Drop the exclamation point. Otherwise good with the suggested change.

[Cowboy]

Drop the exclamation point. Otherwise good with the suggested change.

Another good suggestion which I have taken

I try to not use exclamation points in official letters but my use of them on forums and informal emails sometimes bleeds through. Thanks for catching it!!!

[Luis Gomez]

marked

[Emma.]

I'm not sold on "I would like to start by...". What about just "I would like to thank you for this great honor"?

[Veritas]

I'm not sold on "I would like to start by...". What about just "I would like to thank you for this great honor"?

this is from 2008, old man

[Emma.]

I'm not sold on "I would like to start by...". What about just "I would like to thank you for this great honor"?

this is from 2008, old man

Shit! Who bumped it?

[badwithpseudonyms]

I'm not sold on "I would like to start by...". What about just "I would like to thank you for this great honor"?

this is from 2008, old man

Shit! Who bumped it?

My guess would be this guy...

marked

[Luis Gomez]

I'm not sold on "I would like to start by...". What about just "I would like to thank you for this great honor"?

this is from 2008, old man

Shit! Who bumped it?

My guess would be this guy...

marked

Sorry I wasn't going to answer to prevent this thread from surfacing again. But it was obiously me.