Struggling to Fit In

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kaptainkeepa

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Struggling to Fit In

Postby kaptainkeepa » Tue Apr 03, 2018 5:26 pm

Hello All,

Making this post makes me feel a bit ashamed since this has not really been an issue in the past and I feel as if such an easy problem should not have such a difficult solution (at least from my perspective). But here goes nothing...

So I moved about 7 hours away from home in a location where I have no family or friends (at least close friends I want to hang around all the time). I thought the first couple of weeks was a normal struggle to really find my group of friends. But now that I am in the last half of my second semester of 1L, I feel really at a loss. I have many acquaintances (you know, typically classmates I can talk with everyday and be around with here and there) BUT no one who I feel close with. I don't have even one friend who I can feel completely myself around. I've been given the advice that you will find your solid group of friends in 2L when you voluntarily get to choose what classes you do, student groups, journals, competitions, etc. I feel a bit hopeless. When I went back home for Spring Break, I was extremely happy. I got to be around all my old friends and do something everyday and just feel good. I was also around my main support group: my family. Going back with about 3 weeks left of classes, I feel low.

Also to point out: I don't think I suffer from any form of depression. I have not been diagnosed before but I have never really felt this way prior to law school so I really had no reason to get diagnosed. My best friend who attends another law school feels the exact same way. I have friends back home, I can talk to people with no problems. And trust me, I get the whole "If you want something, you need to go after it" mentality. I agree, friendship is a two-way street. But I am making that effort. It just doesn't seem good enough or people just are indifferent to me.

What is my question: advice. How to combat this awkward feeling of not fitting in. How to handle this and make best of a bad situation. Just advice in general.

L_William_W

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Re: Struggling to Fit In

Postby L_William_W » Tue Apr 03, 2018 5:49 pm

It's too late to worry about friendships for this semester. Your primary focus should be the finals. As for next semester, try to participate in extracurricular activities and join a study group. Also, if there's a gym at your school then stop by and start a simple conversation (i.e. "What did you think about the lecture on restrictive covenants?"). The good news is that clinic classes are smaller than the lecture classes which usually has over 100 students.

omd3117

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Re: Struggling to Fit In

Postby omd3117 » Tue Apr 03, 2018 6:01 pm

Many law schools offer free or close to free mental health services. Even though you may not be depressed, talking to someone can just help combat those general feelings of isolation. As for the advice you've received before, it's true. Most close friendships are formed during 2L or 3L in some cases. Try not to be too concerned with it right now, focus on your finals - and when you come back with a fresh start next year, you can just maximize your involvement in school.

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UBETutoring

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Re: Struggling to Fit In

Postby UBETutoring » Wed Apr 04, 2018 6:24 pm

Does Keepah refer to a yarmulke? If so, it might just be an issue of culture, and others being intimidated of you much as you are of them. Social cues in that world tend to be a bit different than the mainstream world so you may come across as a bit awkward at first, but just need to go up to people and make conversation. If you're not a weirdo, they'll bite.

kaptainkeepa

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Re: Struggling to Fit In

Postby kaptainkeepa » Thu Apr 05, 2018 3:18 am

UBETutoring wrote:Does Keepah refer to a yarmulke? If so, it might just be an issue of culture, and others being intimidated of you much as you are of them. Social cues in that world tend to be a bit different than the mainstream world so you may come across as a bit awkward at first, but just need to go up to people and make conversation. If you're not a weirdo, they'll bite.


Nope, it was a "dumb" high school nickname friends gave me for no specific reason that stuck. BTW I'm a girl. And trust me, I get the whole don't be a weirdo and I am not one haha.

datenginedatcould

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Re: Struggling to Fit In

Postby datenginedatcould » Thu Apr 05, 2018 3:49 pm

Don't worry too much about fitting in. Most people put on a face, anyway. Just be kind and polite and you are bound to click with people eventually. But beware, there are secretive gunners who use people, even those they call friends.

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UBETutoring

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Re: Struggling to Fit In

Postby UBETutoring » Tue Apr 10, 2018 4:36 pm

kaptainkeepa wrote:
UBETutoring wrote:Does Keepah refer to a yarmulke? If so, it might just be an issue of culture, and others being intimidated of you much as you are of them. Social cues in that world tend to be a bit different than the mainstream world so you may come across as a bit awkward at first, but just need to go up to people and make conversation. If you're not a weirdo, they'll bite.


Nope, it was a "dumb" high school nickname friends gave me for no specific reason that stuck. BTW I'm a girl. And trust me, I get the whole don't be a weirdo and I am not one haha.

About 99% of the country wouldn't fit in at Berkeley, and that # goes up if we remove anarchists and paranoid schizophrenics from the equation. It's nothing to lose sleep over.

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Yazzzay

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Re: Struggling to Fit In

Postby Yazzzay » Tue Apr 24, 2018 2:40 pm

I finished 3 years of law school on the other side of the world (went from europe to california), came back home and haven't talked to a single person from law school in months. I'm sorry you feel lonely but remember that law school doesn't last forever. I spent my 1L 1st semester socializing/bar reviews/doing anything instead of studying. I made a lot of friends- then I got back my grades. I spent the 2nd semester at the library every single day/night, my grades went up, and I actually lost every single friend I made, including the friendship of my roommates. I was outgoing and really social in undergrad, so this was a huge adjustment and I definitely thought there was something wrong with me. Now that I'm out of law school and can look back on my whole experience, I realize that the entire law school social life/friendships weren't my scene and that's totally fine. My grades rose every semester, I got to explore more of the city alone than my classmates who went to the same bars every week, and I got very close to a number of professors and the deans, who still email and help me out as much as possible. It's really hard to see past law school, as it's so freaking consuming when you're in it, but it ends, and life move on and it'll eventually just be a short, exhausting blurb in the history of your life.

Try to facetime and talk to your parents/friends from home as much as possible! I'm probably unnaturally close with mine and we spoke every day. It's definitely hard not to have someone there when you're having a breakdown. I got really into going to the gym, which ended up filling a huge gap of my time and made me feel SO MUCH better. MAKE A HOBBY! That's the best advice I can give you.

Good luck!

teacher2lawyer

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Re: Struggling to Fit In

Postby teacher2lawyer » Thu Apr 26, 2018 5:10 pm

Hi there--
I'm sorry you are feeling so out of place. If it's of any consolation, I am a 1L and considering my social nature, I find myself feeling left out a lot. Part of me really doesn't care for fitting in, though, because that time spent socializing is much better spent maximizing your studies, mastering the material, and coming to class prepared so you can deliver thoughtful, thorough responses. Developing relationships with your professors will give you so much more of an edge in the long run. While making friends and networking with your peers has some advantages, it is certainly not the end-all, be-all.
I have found that the most social of students are oft-times (not always, but generally), less serious and do not care to excel in their studies. When I am feeling left out, I think back on the time I spent studying and how much better I have fared compared to my "social" counterparts. This motivates me to not feel so affected by not being invited to dinners, etc. because in the end, I will be taken seriously and the others...not so much (again, this is a blanket statement).
If you still feel that you would like to find your niche, I recommend joining a student organization of sorts, although I'm sure you've already explored this. It certainly helps to find a group of students who have similar views and interests.
I wish you much success in your studies.

brorepresentation1

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Re: Struggling to Fit In

Postby brorepresentation1 » Thu Apr 26, 2018 7:56 pm

Aww you are sad?

nixy

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Re: Struggling to Fit In

Postby nixy » Thu Apr 26, 2018 10:37 pm

brorepresentation1 wrote:Aww you are sad?

Awww you're an asshole?



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