Lateraling and getting married Forum

[Anonymous User]

What are the optics of getting married soon after you lateral?

I have an unexpected opportunity that I’m pretty sure I’ll take. However, I’m getting married this year and taking a honeymoon that’s already planned and mostly paid for. I’m of the opinion that, hey, that’s life, I gotta do what I gotta do. But I’m essentially taking close to a month off within 6 months of starting. I’ve mentioned repeatedly I’m getting married and told one partner I know I’m obviously taking vacation, but I’m wondering if I’m basically shooting myself in the foot before I start.

Not that I suppose it matters. The die is cast. But I’d like to know what I’m walking into.

[Anonymous User]

Strangely enough, I am in a nearly identical position. Rather than one large chunk of time off, though, it's a couple of smaller ones, one of which is the wedding/honeymoon.

The main partner whose group I'll likely be joining already knows I'm engaged and that I'll be getting married. Before formally accepting the offer, I'm going to run the dates by him and see if there are any issues (obviously not rescheduling the wedding, but one of the other (less planned and less important) vacations might be movable).

As long as you let everyone know before you join, I don't think it's that bad. If you wait until you join to tell everyone you're taking a month off that would be worse. Ultimately, I'd be less worried about the pure optics of it and more that taking a large chunk of time off before you're fully integrated will mean that you have difficulty getting traction at the new place in terms of staffing, reputation, etc., because people just won't know you or keep you in mind.

[Anonymous User]

We just had this happen at our firm with a lateral hire and there were no issues at all. She was completely upfront coming in and I have seen nothing to indicate there has been any negative blow back of any kind. Everything is firm/practice group/partner specific, but generally people try to treat laterals as if they have been at a firm since day one. They hire for a long-term need, not the short period that you will be away taking care of something very important in your life.

The only way I could see this being an issue is if you are either not upfront about your plans or are trying to get away with something that you wouldn't have been able to do even if you had remained at your previous firm (e.g., take a vacation that exceeds any reasonable annual vacation policy). Otherwise you should take care of life and do great work otherwise. In most cases you will have more leeway on the former if you are excelling at the latter.

[papermateflair]

We had someone do this at my firm, and it was totally fine - the lateral got married probably a month and a half after joining the firm, and took three weeks off, but had already discussed it with the partners coming in and everyone was totally fine with it. Weddings/honeymoons tend to be respected at law firms, and honestly if you discuss the timing with them before and people react negatively, well, better to know you're working with unreasonable people before you take the job.

[Anonymous User]

As others have said, I think being upfront and making sure that timing works with whatever you get staffed on means it will be fine.

Anecdotally, a colleague got staffed on a deal that moved way faster than any of us expected it to and turns out that for the weekend of signing, s/he had already planned just a weekend trip to go check out wedding venues to a venue they couldn't easily get to again (required overnight stay and a plane ride). The partner on the deal kind of lost it and was b*tching about it the whole time and it was awful--I thought it was wholly unnecessary. But just an anecdote to support the whole "be upfront and make sure you tell people on your deal in advance of wedding-related plans".