V10 Summer Pregnant 3rd Trimester Forum

[Anonymous User]

I am a 2L and have an offer from a V10 firm. My school is non-T14 and I am very happy to get an offer. I just found out I was pregnant and will be in my 3rd trimester, baby due 1st week of September. Not sure what I should do. I'm really concerned the firm will no-offer me.


Will this affect me being offered and my career? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

I always wanted kids but I don't want to be a mom now. I pretty ambitious and really want to do well in my career. I planned on having a baby at 32. My family is pretty religious and would be mad if I had an abortion but my family would also be very upset and disappointed if they discovered that I was pregnant especially if it messed up my career. Both my fiance and I are from poor families. I'm the first in my family to go to college, and "do things in the right order". My little siblings really look up to me. Biglaw money is life changing for me and my family. My father pressured my mother to have an abortion with me (they were young) and she always cries about it and says how proud I make her and this entire family.

I'm 25 (so not young but not too old)

I'm engaged and live with my fiance. We were planning the get married in August after my summer and take a week honeymoon before classes start up, awaiting firm dates to set a wedding date. Really wanted to be married before I have a baby especially since my parents weren't. I don't want to be a showing pregnant bride or move up the date and have a shotgun wedding.

My fiance makes 40,000 a year has no debt. My total student loan debt would be about $90,000. That is calculating me using my summer associate money to pay for my 3L year. I will be in NYC for my summer. Its a new city for me and I will be there alone. Not sure how I will handle Dr. Appt. or an early delivery.

On the other hand 3L year is suppose to be chill so I will have only have to pay for childcare while I'm class. I do have a job offer making 180K so I'm in a better position than anyone I've ever known in having a baby. My fiance really wants me to keep the baby. I don't want him to resent me but I also don't want to resent him. I really just want to make the right decision for myself.

I have an appointment set for next week where they will give me the pills to make me miscarry. But, not sure if I should go.

[mcmand]

....

[landshoes]

You don't want to be a mom now. End of story. Kids should be enthusiastically wanted by both parents (at least). There is nothing wrong with waiting until you are ready.

Firm job is a red herring. If having a child isn't what you really want, you don't have to do it. Regardless of what anyone else thinks.

[emkay625]

The most important thing to remember is that this is 100% your choice. Don't let other people try to talk you into making one choice over the other. This is a personal decision, and you shouldn't let anyone else pressure you one way or the other. This includes your family, and your fiance. You are the one who is pregnant. People don't like to talk about it, but women still die from childbirth in this country, even if they get good prenatal care. As a result, you get to decide. Not anyone else.

Second, I do not think this would have a negative impact on whether or not you get an offer. In fact, I think it would have a positive impact—no firm wants to be known as the firm who no-offered the pregnant woman, not to mention the fact that doing so would be illegal.

That's not to say it won't have an impact on your career. Being a parent is hard. But it's probably much easier to have an infant during 3L than as a young associate, so that's something to consider. 3L is actually probably the best time to have a child if you're a lawyer. I also imagine being pregnant as a summer associate wouldn't exactly be fun, though.

I'm not going to tell you what I would do, because I think this is a personal decision.

[landshoes]

Also, much more than 3L, I'd worry about your first year as an associate. Your SO will have to do literally everything for the child when they're not in childcare. What a terrible, stressful way to be a first-time parent, trying to adjust to a new job in a new cultural context. That, to me, is the big negative.

EDIT: no way 3L is the best time to have a child. when you're in-house or in a relatively chill job with reasonable hours is probably the best time IMO. kids are really demanding for...many many years after they're born, not just the first year.

[emkay625]

Also, much more than 3L, I'd worry about your first year as an associate. Your SO will have to do literally everything for the child when they're not in childcare. What a terrible, stressful way to be a first-time parent, trying to adjust to a new job in a new cultural context. That, to me, is the big negative.

EDIT: no way 3L is the best time to have a child. when you're in-house or in a relatively chill job with reasonable hours is probably the best time IMO. kids are really demanding for...many many years after they're born, not just the first year.

I'd agree with this, but this assumes OP wants to eventually exit big law, which we don't know.

[beneppo]

As above, obviously a hugely personal decision. But as a 3L who had a baby in August, right after summering at a top firm, I’ll tell you that you shouldn’t worry about the firm’s response to this. They are very, very likely to be excited for you, accommodating of appointments and your physical condition, and perhaps even secretly happy that you are having a child now, rather than taking paid maternity leave as a first-year. You may not feel like working a full day and then going out to events afterwards, of course, but you’ll also probably get a lot of room to pass on the nighttime socializing. And if you deliver early, so long as you have done good work to date, you’re still going to get an offer. (99%, you’re going to get an offer regardless.)

In short, don’t make a decision out of fear that the employer will react badly. They have had plenty of pregnant lawyers before you, and they will be good at handling this. (Really.)

[Anonymous User]

OP, I feel for you. For what it's worth, I had a medical abortion in law school for reasons very similar to yours, only a little older (27). It was the right choice for me. A friend of mine is pregnant now, and it has been a tough pregnancy--she's also a big law attorney. The experience of trying to work her hours while dealing with a tough pregnancy has convinced her more than anything else has that pregnancy should be voluntary, and women have the right to decide it isn't for them at any given time in their lives. As much as you can, try to separate any sense of guilt away from your decision making--this is your life (not your parents, not your fiance's, not the potential life inside you.)

all that said, people do have kids in law school, and almost definitely someone has done a summer associateships during their last trimester (if they had a decent pregnancy.) you will be able to get through it, and (depending on the culture of the firm) they will admire your grit under tough conditions.

(if you have any anxiety about the 'procedure' itself, in my experience the medical abortion was not a big deal--I bled fairly mildly on and off for a week and had very little to no pain.)

Good luck to you. If you'd ever like to speak about it, I'd be happy to talk to you over the phone.

[Anonymous User]

Someone in my New York V10 summer class had a baby week 1 and missed half the summer on maternity leave. Still got full pay and a full-time offer. Totally fine. Just tell your firm now about the situation. A firm that would no-offer a summer for having a baby is not a firm you want to work at.

[RaceJudicata]

First and foremost - congratulations!

The decision is yours and yours alone. That said, your pregnancy, without a doubt, 100% secures you an offer. Granted, it was probably secure to begin with. But there is literally 0% chance they no offer you - even if you miss days, your work sucks, etc.

Good luck!

[Lesion of Doom]

It sounds to me like you don't want to keep it. And despite your protests, you still are very young! You have tons of time and if a baby isn't what you want at this moment, don't do it. Your decision and yours alone.

[gaddockteeg]

I'd personally say not to worry about the firm or law school. The decision should be completely personal.

No way in hell that a NY v10 drops you for being pregnant.

I personally think the timing works pretty well. There's never going to be a time more chill than 3L and by the time you start as a full time associate, the baby will be 1 years old already, sleeping through the night, etc.

[kyle1978]

Congratulations on the pregnancy. Disclaimer: I have not read any of the previous comments.

Your firm is likely a 100% offer firm, correct? I believe that you should operate under the assumption that you too will receive an offer. If you decide to not abort the child, I would contact HR to let them know of your situation so that they can pass that info along to the pertinent people. You will most likely not be no-offered based on 3rd trimester pregnancy during your summer in big law. Imagine the public backlash and image ("Large Corporate Law Firm No-Offers Pregnant Summer Associate").

Furthermore, even if you do not receive the coveted 2L summer associate offer (which I believe you most likely will), I believe it simply makes sense to keep the child in your situation. First, you are engaged to a person you love. Second, he is the father of your child. Third, you two both want a child, just bad timing. Fourth, he doesn't want to you abort the child. Fifth, you would (likely?) similarly want to keep the child if all else were constant besides the summer associate gig, based on your mother's experience with your father and you. Sixth, even if you are no-offered based on your pregnancy, you will have approx. $20-30k to throw towards loans/baby expenses.

I am at work, so I'm running out of time to consider you situation. But I hope you keep the child. Congratulations on your child and congratulations on receiving a big law summer associate position with minimal debt. I hope you do not abort a child with a person you love based on the pregnancy being unplanned and interfering with your paid internship with big law. Big law is not forever. Good luck.

[PorscheFanatic]

Just to offer a possibly different take on things, a lot of people seem to be saying this is 100% your decision. And legally speaking, yes it is, and it should be. Men, regardless of whether it's your husband, finace, or a random stranger legally shouldn't be able to have a say in your body or your keeping the baby. I also agree that it's not the decision of anyone's parents (his or yours) so forget what they want.

However, I urge you not to make this decision that is legally 100% yours without discussing this a lot with your fiancé openly and honestly so you can both get it all on the table. He may not have the right to ask you to keep the baby, but if you're about to be married, you're about to be partners so his opinions should at least matter and be discussed, or that can have consequences for your relationship.

With respect to the firm, summers don't do much work anyway, so I'm guessing this is actually a much easier time to have a baby (SA and 3Lol) than if you decided to have a baby than at anytime as an associate, though yes you'll have a kid at home taking up some time, when others can devote all waking hours to working. Would your husband be open to working less and spending more time taking care of the kid (since you mention that $180k would be life-altering and he currently makes $40k)?

[Mobster1983]

There is never a great time to have a child, not if you are going to have a career, and especially in big law. My wife and I got pregnant in October of my 3L year, and our son was born one week into Bar prep. In my opinion, those first two months are the toughest. Almost no sleep, baby constantly needing attention, and more. I still passed, but it wasn't easy.

At least three of my classmates had babies during law school and they were fine. The professors were very understanding as well. They were able to bring the baby to school and had friends/classmates who were more than happy to help out when the mom was in class.

Having the baby at the beginning of the 3L year would be, in my opinion, much easier than some other time. By 7 months (where my son is at now) things are much calmer. While the baby still needs a lot of attention, he is playing by himself and is much easier to deal with while listening to lectures or studying (taking the UBE in February, and working full time now). So by the time you need to start prepping for the bar, things will have calmed down and it will be much easier to find someone to watch your son or daughter.

Lastly, I will just say that you should seriously consider your finance's feelings in the matter. This should be between you and him, because this will have a serious affect on your relationship either way. Even though you are not legally married yet, in a sense you are already a family, and I think it is important to make decisions together. BTW, having a baby is the most amazing experience you will ever have, and it made starting my law career pale in comparison. Although it is tough work, it is more than worth it.

Good luck with everything and I do hope you let us know what you decide.

[Anonymous User]

Definitely don't let the law firm job be the deciding factor. At my firm we had a first year associate take maternity leave half a year in, and she's going straight into a clerkship after her leave. Firms are supportive.

[CA2410]

As someone who had a child very early in my legal career, I am happy to talk with you. Granted, I am a male, so my situation is certainly different, and I'm not pretending it's not. My wife has an equally demanding job, and we make it work. Feel free to PM me. It is certainly doable with a supportive spouse. I know several woman (two close friends) who had children early in their legal careers and are very successful.

[Anonymous User]

I was in the exact same situation as you a year ago. I found out I was pregnant in December with a due date the last week of my biglaw SA. I live with my significant other and we are very much in love. We decided to terminate, mostly because it was just not the right time for us for other reasons. Some of them were kind of silly, I didn’t want to have a shotgun married or be unmarried with a baby, and some of them were not (I just didn’t feel ready). My SA was also across the country where I knew almost no one and I really didn’t know how I was going to deal with the logistics (flying in the third trimester, which you aren’t supposed to do, finding doctors on my shitty student insurance out of network in a different state). In the end it just felt like too much and I decided to terminate. I was also really concerned about missing the last week or maybe two of my SA and getting no offered as a result. In the end this was totally misguided. I showed up to the office for my SA and half the lawyers were pregnant women. Funnily enough, as a non-pregnant person I got no offered (found out the firm historically no/cold offers half the small class each year on the stealth). If I, however, had been pregnant I guarantee you I would have received an offer. It ended up not mattering as I traded up this fall, but don’t worry about the job. You seem, however, to have a lot of the same concerns I had: you don’t want to do things “out or order,” be showing at your wedding, and you simply feel just not ready. This is your choice, and while your fiancées input matters, you won’t regret your decision either way, and your religious parents never need to know. Having an abortion was actually way easier and more painless than being pregnant, which for me was a nightmare. I was constantly sick and I just felt better after I terminated. I’m excited to go on a romantic bar trip with my fiancée and have kids in a few years when I feel ready. Good luck. There is no wrong choice here.

[Anonymous User]

Also, if you do decide to terminate you may want to consider going the surgical route instead of the pill route. I heard taking the pills leaves you in really painful agony for hours, whereas the surgical route is extremely painful, but for less than a minute. It’s also usually less expensive too.

[EliotAlderson]

Definitely don't let the law firm job be the deciding factor. At my firm we had a first year associate take maternity leave half a year in, and she's going straight into a clerkship after her leave. Firms are supportive.

This.

And lofuckingl with the advice in this thread projecting personal views (not the quoted post)

[Anonymous User]

It’s your choice but remember:

1. There is never a great time to have a baby when you are an attorney. You are 25 and while not old could have fertility issues down the line. So there is a small chance this is your only shot.

2. Getting your fiancé on board is critical. This type of thing can destroy a relationship. Even if you stay together, it would be a burden to bear for the rest of your lives l.

[CanadianWolf]

Congratulations on your pregnancy. If you wait for the right time to have a baby until you have enough money & enough job security, then you may never have a child.

Also, I bet some of the other attorneys at the Vault 10 law firm have children.

I am a lot older & my biggest regret in life is that we didn't have more children.