Feel like I made the wrong choice - How to get over depression

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Anonymous User
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Feel like I made the wrong choice - How to get over depression

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Sep 13, 2017 12:44 am

First, I know this is very much a first world problem to have because I'm lucky I even had any biglaw offers, so feel free to view this (rightfully) as whiny.
I had 2 offers, and picked the higher ranked firm instead of picking the firm I really clicked with and felt happy about. Ever since accepting that offer and turning down the other, I've felt so depressed. I keep thinking about the other firm and how I would've been so much happier there, and I feel like I made such a stupid choice and I can't do anything about it now. I didn't like the people at the firm I chose but for some reason felt like I should take it because it's seen as "better." Every I think about going to my firm, I can't help myself from crying, I feel so stupid and whiny but I don't know how to feel better about the firm I picked.
I feel like I've ruined the start of my career; I can't focus on classes and I just sit around berating myself for being so stupid. Has anyone experienced anything similar and how did you deal with it?

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Rahviveh
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Re: Feel like I made the wrong choice - How to get over depression

Postby Rahviveh » Wed Sep 13, 2017 12:52 am

You would probably have been unhappy at the other firm anyways. "Clicking" with a firm is bullshit.

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Re: Feel like I made the wrong choice - How to get over depression

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Sep 13, 2017 1:16 am

I'm a few years out of law school now. One of the most crucial lessons I've learned is that lawyers know how to sell. It's part of our job to sell assurances.

A trait many lawyers seem to pick up is being able to lie through their teeth and lie with a straight face. Seriously, I've encountered way too many partners in biglaw who will act like a good friend and mentor sometimes and later totally f!@k you over or shit all over you for no good reason other than it was the least inconvenient thing to do OR they were just having a bad day OR they needed to vent their anger on someone.

Don't feel bad about your decision. The "chemistry" you felt was a very poor indicator of how your time there would have panned out imho. You'll, er, have worse things to cry about when you start biglaw.

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Re: Feel like I made the wrong choice - How to get over depression

Postby rpupkin » Wed Sep 13, 2017 2:22 am

Anonymous User wrote:Don't feel bad about your decision. The "chemistry" you felt was a very poor indicator of how your time there would have panned out imho. You'll, er, have worse things to cry about when you start biglaw.

+1

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Re: Feel like I made the wrong choice - How to get over depression

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:01 am

OP here - thank you everyone, I've been trying to tell myself the same things but it feels a lot better to know that other people also think that and it's not just empty self assurances

jd20132013
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Re: Feel like I made the wrong choice - How to get over depression

Postby jd20132013 » Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:25 am

Rahviveh wrote:You would probably have been unhappy at the other firm anyways. "Clicking" with a firm is bullshit.

This

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Re: Feel like I made the wrong choice - How to get over depression

Postby Hutz_and_Goodman » Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:31 am

Sorry to hear that. IMO there is a difference between firms. When I do callback interviews I always tell candidates to consider the fit. But keep in mind that if the firm is not good you can always lateral.

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Danger Zone
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Re: Feel like I made the wrong choice - How to get over depression

Postby Danger Zone » Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:45 am

Hutz_and_Goodman wrote:Sorry to hear that. IMO there is a difference between firms. When I do callback interviews I always tell candidates to consider the fit. But keep in mind that if the firm is not good you can always lateral.

Of course there's a difference. It's just impossible to perceive it based on two interviews with a firm, especially since you may never work with the people you even interview with.

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Re: Feel like I made the wrong choice - How to get over depression

Postby AZ123 » Wed Sep 13, 2017 9:50 am

Danger Zone wrote:
Hutz_and_Goodman wrote:Sorry to hear that. IMO there is a difference between firms. When I do callback interviews I always tell candidates to consider the fit. But keep in mind that if the firm is not good you can always lateral.

Of course there's a difference. It's just impossible to perceive it based on two interviews with a firm, especially since you may never work with the people you even interview with.


^This. I accepted at a firm that I didn't "click" with during my interviews or networking lunches. But it turned out to be a great choice and there's nowhere else I'd rather be. I actually fit in really well at the firm and loved the work. You have to remember that you only meet like 4-8 people during the interview process, but there are probably 100+ people working in your office. You'll be fine.

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Re: Feel like I made the wrong choice - How to get over depression

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Sep 13, 2017 11:06 am

AZ123 wrote:
Danger Zone wrote:
Hutz_and_Goodman wrote:Sorry to hear that. IMO there is a difference between firms. When I do callback interviews I always tell candidates to consider the fit. But keep in mind that if the firm is not good you can always lateral.

Of course there's a difference. It's just impossible to perceive it based on two interviews with a firm, especially since you may never work with the people you even interview with.


^This. I accepted at a firm that I didn't "click" with during my interviews or networking lunches. But it turned out to be a great choice and there's nowhere else I'd rather be. I actually fit in really well at the firm and loved the work. You have to remember that you only meet like 4-8 people during the interview process, but there are probably 100+ people working in your office. You'll be fine.


This is really comforting, thank you! I know that rationally there are tons more people in the office that I could get along with; I just kept thinking that the people I met with during the interviews were the ones that the firm thought best represented them, which led to rabbit-hole thinking that I wouldn't connect with the other associates. How long did it take you to feel better about your firm? Was it during the summer program or once you started as an associate?

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PeanutsNJam
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Re: Feel like I made the wrong choice - How to get over depression

Postby PeanutsNJam » Wed Sep 13, 2017 11:38 am

You can try to switch firms after your 2L summer if you hated it there.

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Danger Zone
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Re: Feel like I made the wrong choice - How to get over depression

Postby Danger Zone » Wed Sep 13, 2017 12:21 pm

OP do you understand what life at a big firm is like? You're going to hate life regardless of where you end up so no need to fret about this decision

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Re: Feel like I made the wrong choice - How to get over depression

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Sep 13, 2017 12:34 pm

PeanutsNJam wrote:You can try to switch firms after your 2L summer if you hated it there.


This. If you don't like the firm you can try 3L OCI/MM/Networking. You need an offer from your SA to have a better shot. I recommend that you fake it till you make it next summer. Even if you absolutely hate the firm, people, and work, get an offer so you have options.
Personally, I think all firms are going to be hell. I switched firms because I do not want to be a litigator, but I am aware that life is going to suck either way. Clicking with the people during the recruiting process is not a real indicator of what your associate experience will be like.

tyroneslothrop1
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Re: Feel like I made the wrong choice - How to get over depression

Postby tyroneslothrop1 » Wed Sep 13, 2017 12:57 pm

You might also consider seeking professional help if this doesn't pass. Your sadness over your perceived wrong choice might be indicative of an underlying mood disorder.

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Re: Feel like I made the wrong choice - How to get over depression

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Sep 13, 2017 1:32 pm

Danger Zone wrote:OP do you understand what life at a big firm is like? You're going to hate life regardless of where you end up so no need to fret about this decision


Exactly this. "Click" in biglaw is not a reality. It's a metaphorical specter that firms use to lure you in. Those associates that had a smile on their faces? They were either 1) being watched by their superiors/wanted to impress those superiors by acting happy, or 2) wanted to validate their misery by pretending things are fun/nice.

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Re: Feel like I made the wrong choice - How to get over depression

Postby lolwat » Wed Sep 13, 2017 1:46 pm

Most everybody else above is right. I'll just add that this feeling will probably come up over and over in various other situations. I'm sure you've been faced with choices before (e.g. which UG or LS to attend) and you turned out fine (I assume). Now you had to choose between two biglaw firms. And you'll continue to face similar choices practically your entire life.

Whether it's professional help or otherwise, perhaps it's worth reflecting on whether you might want to look into how you can make yourself more comfortable with your choices in general.

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Vexed
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Re: Feel like I made the wrong choice - How to get over depression

Postby Vexed » Wed Sep 13, 2017 1:56 pm

The thing is, you're still roughly 2 years away from starting any meaningful stint of work with any firm, so who you "click" with during interviews is fairly meaningless. Just in the 8-9 months until you start as a SA there's a good chance that at least 1 of the 5 or so people you interviewed with at the callback will be gone; that number will be even larger when you come back a year+ later to start actual work.

There's also a pretty good chance that the attorneys you interviewed with during your callback are all from different practice groups. Once you're slotted into a practice group as a first year, there's a decent chance you won't even see or interact with the majority of those interviewers simply because there's no overlap in the work between your groups. In that scenario, choosing a firm based on "clicking" with those interviewers would be worthless.




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