Anonymous User wrote:OP here.
After fighting all last night and this morning, she just told me via text that she'll quit her job for me.
At this point, I know what to believe. She's promised me before that she will quit, only to change her mind later. Also, she shouldn't be quitting just because I ask her. She needs to quit because her own health is at risk. The fact that she doesn't understand that this job is killing her is very troubling and upsetting.
I have no idea why she wants to become such a martyr for this job.
I understand that you're in a stressful situation, and that you're dealing with a partner who is willingly putting their health on the line for a job, which is getting extreme regardless of personal philosophy. You're in a tough situation and I get that it's hard to step back from it when the stakes are getting this high.
I would point out that she said therapy was an option, and it sounds like you offered her quitting her job as the only option you would accept before you leave. Because that is truly the only option you gave, it's no wonder why she feels the options she has to decide between right now are to either keep her job (and figure out ways to cope) or leave you. Because she thinks she has other options to alleviate her stress (one of which she didn't fully exploit the last time), it's also not entirely crazy that she disagrees that quitting is her only option now, too.
I don't think you're wrong to be skeptical about her sticking to particular solutions like therapy, but I do question whether or not you're overly fixated on the "quit your job" option that you're forgetting that therapy may fail, but quitting her job may backfire, too. Because as many have said, this is abnormal even for PDs. This may very well be something only therapy, or some other solution other than merely quitting, can fix.
At this point I'd echo the sentiment that couple's therapy may help you figure out what's really going on and ensure you both really understand each other. But if you don't want to have to go through that, or if you did try multiple times before and got nowhere, maybe things have run their course already and even couple's counseling won't bring the two of you closer to agreement. The latter of which would suck; I'm sorry.