Rough draft/sample PS

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Anonymous User

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Rough draft/sample PS

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Feb 12, 2018 4:49 pm

Have a very poor GPA which I felt needed to be addressed head on. Extreme splitter. I have a few drafts of different approaches but would love some feedback on this one.

It's 4:55 am and I just finished reading One L by Scott Turow in one sitting, an account of his struggles through the first year of law school at Harvard. 300 stiff pages, turned one by one. A single phrase from those dusty pages resounded in my head: "meeting my enemy", a term he used to explain the hardships and less appealing parts of himself he battled. My head is spinning with an excitement I have not felt in a long time, goose bumps running down my forearms. I realized that most people don't meet their enemy until later in life.

According to Turow, first-year law students often face anxiety and discomfort, wondering how they will endure the hardships and self-discovery their enemy will force upon them. These experiences will shape them as a person, pushing them to decide whether a legal career is the right path for them. I close the book and lean back in my chair, with a smile on my face. I realize I am ahead of the curve, for I already met my enemy, made him my friend even. I am confident I will excel at law school and I cannot wait for the challenge.

There are two meaningful times when I met my enemy that have shaped me in a tremendous way. My senior year of high school, when I was faced with the ultimatum of either continuing life as the "fat funny kid" I had been for 18 years or taking matters into my own hands. I knew what I needed to do. My journey was grueling and took nearly 6 months. Finally, I had a new-found love for myself and knew what I am capable of. I was criticized and felt like I was going to fail numerous times, but still I persevered and learned that when I have a goal in mind, I do everything in my power to reach it. I am a new person, one who is confident and able to share ideas, interact with people and walk with pride. I lost 70 pounds and am down to a healthy 195.

The second, and most important encounter with my enemy, came midway through my junior year of college. I hit rock bottom and was going nowhere quickly. My dreams of law school and of creating a change in the world through legal activism seemed out of my reach. I was working full time, failing to balance my time adequately. I earned 6 F's in a span of 3 semesters and was on the verge of flunking out. My grandma, who was my best friend, passed away in that third semester, and I had a summer to decide my fate. One option was to run home with my tail tucked between my legs, avoiding the agony of actively failing. I refused. Instead, I took ownership of my mistakes and faced my enemy head-on. I decided I was going to do whatever it took to realize my true abilities. I have a unique intellect, a keen way of analyzing situations, and finding solutions to problems. My academic record the last few years did not reflect this, and I began to doubt myself. Instead of taking my last two semesters lightly with electives, I picked up two minors and challenged myself to be better. I also created and am currently managing an annual food drive that has fed over 1,000 people in 2 years. I want to be a better citizen and use my abilities to assist others in doing the same, even those who feel helpless.

My grades dramatically improved, and I finished my last two semesters proud of my accomplishments, not letting the past hinder me. I explored the worst parts of myself, building confidence through adversity and thriving in the face of it. I already met my enemy. He is not scary, nor is he going to deter me. I now realize I have enormous potential and can use it to help others, specifically through the legal system. I thank my enemy daily, and do not regret a single action of my rocky past, as these experiences have shaped me into a person I am proud of today. I pick up One L, placing it in an empty space on my shelf. I am now ready to write my own stories.

DrGlennRichie

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Re: Rough draft/sample PS

Postby DrGlennRichie » Sat Feb 17, 2018 9:23 pm

This is garbage.

First you describe how you read a book about surviving in Harvard law. Unless you are applying to harvard law, it is insulting to the AdComm.

Second, You are following that with idea that you are better than the writer and You already made that "enemy" your "friend".I assume that auther of that book made it to Harvard law, while you did not. I feel like you are a confused and dim-witted person at this moment.

Third. You brag about your weight loss. Seriously? This is your second biggest achievement? I mean it is a challenge, but so many applicants were on varsity teams and so on.And they dont even mention it.

Fourth, You fucking saying " I have a unique intellect, a keen way of analyzing situations, and finding solutions to problems." Unique, yes.Albeit a very low on.

Fifth. Your excuses for low grades are lame and belong to addendum only.

The only positive thing is that you made me chuckle with "I picked up two minors". LOL. Thats it.

Anonymous User

Diamond
Posts: 307161
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Rough draft/sample PS

Postby Anonymous User » Sat Feb 17, 2018 11:44 pm

DrGlennRichie wrote:This is garbage.

First you describe how you read a book about surviving in Harvard law. Unless you are applying to harvard law, it is insulting to the AdComm.

Second, You are following that with idea that you are better than the writer and You already made that "enemy" your "friend".I assume that auther of that book made it to Harvard law, while you did not. I feel like you are a confused and dim-witted person at this moment.

Third. You brag about your weight loss. Seriously? This is your second biggest achievement? I mean it is a challenge, but so many applicants were on varsity teams and so on.And they dont even mention it.

Fourth, You fucking saying " I have a unique intellect, a keen way of analyzing situations, and finding solutions to problems." Unique, yes.Albeit a very low on.

Fifth. Your excuses for low grades are lame and belong to addendum only.

The only positive thing is that you made me chuckle with "I picked up two minors". LOL. Thats it.


Appreciate the feedback

BigTex1980

New
Posts: 18
Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2018 7:59 pm

Re: Rough draft/sample PS

Postby BigTex1980 » Sun Feb 18, 2018 9:16 am

DrGlennRichie wrote:This is garbage.

First you describe how you read a book about surviving in Harvard law. Unless you are applying to harvard law, it is insulting to the AdComm.

Second, You are following that with idea that you are better than the writer and You already made that "enemy" your "friend".I assume that auther of that book made it to Harvard law, while you did not. I feel like you are a confused and dim-witted person at this moment.

Third. You brag about your weight loss. Seriously? This is your second biggest achievement? I mean it is a challenge, but so many applicants were on varsity teams and so on.And they dont even mention it.

Fourth, You fucking saying " I have a unique intellect, a keen way of analyzing situations, and finding solutions to problems." Unique, yes.Albeit a very low on.

Fifth. Your excuses for low grades are lame and belong to addendum only.

The only positive thing is that you made me chuckle with "I picked up two minors". LOL. Thats it.


This is garbage. Ignore it. All of it.




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