It definitely has a lot of problems - a bit meandering, cliches and platitudes, dead weight, etc.
Someone whom I trust has read and critiqued this and I agree with much of the criticism but I'd like to see a second opinion to see if the two critiques match up (or, to illuminate issues the other reviewer missed).
Would Greatly Appreciate A Critique Of My First Draft Forum
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Re: Would Greatly Appreciate A Critique Of My First Draft
I'd be willing to read it -- feel free to message me.
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Re: Would Greatly Appreciate A Critique Of My First Draft
Thanks very much. I PM'd you