Updated Diversity Statement. Any comments? Forum

[dsthrawy1]

PM if you'd like to read a copy of my draft.

[arroznueve]

My concern would be that I don't see what you bring to the class that adds to its diversity. I see a story about your relatives, but not so much a story about what that means for you. To be honest, there's a possibility that the one line about you being sick and unable to finish a semester of college may open up a different diversity statement topic. It's none of our business, but depending on what you went through, that could be a factor that contributes to diversity.

In any event, respect for you for being careful about not wanting to force a statement when there isn't one to write. I cannot overstate how much I appreciate that you are concerned about this.

[dsthrawy1]

My concern would be that I don't see what you bring to the class that adds to its diversity. I see a story about your relatives, but not so much a story about what that means for you.

Yeah, I get the same feeling when reading it. The main point I was trying to make was that because I was raised in what I think was an unusual family structure, my outlook and character may have been shaped in a way that is different then others. I'm still trying to find the words to properly convey this, but that was the basis behind my "diversity". Whether or not that is something that truly makes me diverse I do not know, but it has been something that I have been aware of for long enough that the differences seem present to myself.

For me it was less about the specific circumstances that created my small family (what I set up in the first and second paragraph) but more about how having a small extended family put me in a different position then others when it came to my character development. I am currently trying to redo the third paragraph so that this, and not the broader stuff about my family, is what stands out. Been having trouble expressing it so far but maybe it will start to click into place. Ultimately, I was hoping to use the commitment/compassion aspects I believe I gained from my situation to compliment the story I am trying to tell in my application (but maybe this is the wrong thing to highlight)

Thanks for the feedback, and I'll update the back half of my essay if I can come up with something that makes sense.

[dsthrawy1]

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[Shakawkaw]

This is kind of all over the place. You talk about coming from a small family (I do not consider this to be that unique, tbh). You establish that you come from a family of holocaust survivors (which is dope, but again, not about *you*).

I do agree with the other poster that you could go into your illness. Honestly, the way your statement was reading, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop on you saying that you have Tay-Sachs in your family. Sorry if that's insensitive, but that's how it read.

[dsthrawy1]

This is kind of all over the place. You talk about coming from a small family (I do not consider this to be that unique, tbh). You establish that you come from a family of holocaust survivors (which is dope, but again, not about *you*).

I do agree with the other poster that you could go into your illness. Honestly, the way your statement was reading, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop on you saying that you have Tay-Sachs in your family. Sorry if that's insensitive, but that's how it read.

Thank you for the feedback. I do think the updated copy I posted was better then my original draft (the one the first comment is responding to), but I can see how the same problems are still there. The sickness I was talking about was a really bad infection and not something I've had to deal with on a long-term basis. Not sure how much I could really connect that to diversity, outside of one year spent in a different situation then some other college students my age.

At this point, I am just trying to get my applications done and submitted and will probably go back through and try to make some revisions to see if I can really get the topic down. In the end, I don't even know if it'll be worth submitting so its hard to keep putting effort into it and delaying my applications. Does anyone think an essay similar to this would actively hurt my application?

[cavalier1138]

I don't understand why you're pushing so hard to include a diversity statement at all. It's not a required part of the application for a reason.

[dsthrawy1]

I don't understand why you're pushing so hard to include a diversity statement at all. It's not a required part of the application for a reason.

I took some time, wrote something that I felt gave a better picture of who I am and now I am deciding whether or not I want to include it in my applications. Since this is something that is already written and not my main focus right now, I have to consider if something like this will be a net negative for my application. If thats the case I just won't submit it, its not something I'm really "pushing so hard".

[cavalier1138]

I don't understand why you're pushing so hard to include a diversity statement at all. It's not a required part of the application for a reason.

I'm not pushing hard. I took some time, wrote something that I felt gave a better picture of who I am and now I am deciding whether or not I want to include it in my applications. Since this is something that is already written and not my main focus right now, I have to consider if submitting it will be viewed negatively by adcoms.

I doubt they'll view it positively, because this is a short personal statement, not a diversity statement. If you don't actually bring diversity to a class (and that's totally fine, because most of us don't),then don't bother submitting a diversity statement.

[dsthrawy1]

I doubt they'll view it positively, because this is a short personal statement, not a diversity statement. If you don't actually bring diversity to a class (and that's totally fine, because most of us don't),then don't bother submitting a diversity statement.

I pretty much agree with you. However, if its not something that will go against me (i.e. after reading it they would look at me worse then before they read it) I might still choose to submit because its already written. Even if it won't help as long as it doesn't hurt I'd be cool with that.

[Shakawkaw]

I still do not think that counts as a diversity statement. The only way you can spin that is as an addendum, assuming your grades were adversely affected by the hospitalization.

This makes me wonder what your personal statement was on.

It's confusing that you're trying to articulate how coming from a small supportive nuclear family has shaped you in a way that will uniquely contribute to a student community. That kinda just sounds like a privileged background tbh. But that's none of my business.

[dsthrawy1]

Personal Statement was pretty generic (story --> who I am/why law). Didn't cover anything related to this topic in it. Have a pretty basic addendum written about the GPA hit I took that semester (poor grades due to illness that prevented me from attending classes, etc.).

Don't know if privileged is the right word. The train of thought I was trying to go for was,

Small extended family (2 grandparents, an aunt, a couple cousins) --> Raised in different environment (at least from the people I know/have interacted with) --> Environment effects my character development --> character develops in way different then others --> Potential to contribute in law school in a way that is different then others

Might just scrap it. Although it is tempting to submit it if it wont necessarily make my application worse off. At this point in the cycle, I have set a pretty low bar haha.

Thanks for the feedback

[cavalier1138]

You keep repeating the same mantra, so just to be clear:

Something that isn't viewed positively will have a negative impact on your application, because the adcomm reading it will be annoyed that they had to read it in the first place. This is not a diversity statement. Based on your description, it probably should be your personal statement, but you do you. Just don't submit this as a diversity statement if you want your adcomm to have warm and fuzzy feelings about reading through your materials.