So I have this for the rough draft of DS. My PS draft is on the serious side, so I did not want to do the whole rough-life thing with my DS. However, I am not sure if this is too lighthearted for a DS. I have been a long-time lurker of TLS and would like to have some insight on this matter.

I will pull this down in a few days, so please do not quote my DS in your reply. For detailed/grammatical critiques of my DS, please PM me. Thank you for your time.

....
Bargain-hunting taught me frugality, detailed analysis, and negotiation techniques during a time when our family income increased from well below to just slightly below the poverty line. As a child, I often accompanied my mom to the mall, wading through the clearance isles for post-season clothes. Because department stores carry weak brand prestige and high residual inventory, they offered better deals for similar quality clothes than discount stores like Wal-Mart and brand-name stores like The Gap. Plus, they offered free exercises on mathematical heuristics.

My mom spoke English with a broken Vietnamese accent, so I handled communication at the cash register for her. Sometimes, the clothes on the clearance isle are mispriced or misplaced, so I would negotiate with the cashier for the lower price. In a typical exchange, I would begin with an appeal to flattery and then follow up with an appeal to pity by briefly mentioning my financial situation. If this failed, I would request to speak with the manager and complain about poor service. As the American business principle emphasizes building symbiotic relationships with its customers, these negotiations seldom took long, and I always received the desired price reduction.

Once my mom registered for membership cards, we began receiving weekly coupons. American retailers are clever; they entice the buyer with flashy percentages, but the fine print reveals that many coupons do not apply for clearance or specific brands, not to mention better coupons usually implies a clearance price markup on the sales date. As a bargain-hunter, I saw through their little tricks. I taught myself to skim through coupon fine prints and weekly sales catalogs to determine the best deals and purchase dates. This strategy proved successful; on one of those dates, my mom and I purchased new clothes for all the women in my extended family at a grand total of $150, saving 85%.

My family now owns a cozy house with two cars in a suburban neighborhood. Comfortably upper-middle class, we can now afford $12 jeans and trips to fancier restaurants than McDonald’s. Nevertheless, I remain a bargain-hunter. Thanks to opportune markdowns and the “free” section on Craigslist, my dormitory belongings total approximately $1000—half the price of a Macbook Pro.

is this about your diversity or your negotiating/bargaining/potential lawyering skills? I get that you are Vietnamese and were poor, but the rest seems unrelated to diversity

I'm not sure that this qualifies as 'lighthearted.' What are you trying to say with this, exactly?

Not really light-hearted & not really a diversity statement. Rethink your approach to writing a law school DS.

Because I grew up poor and my parents spoke little English, I spent a lot of my time helping them shop. These bargain-hunting trips, which were a big part of my American childhood, helped develop my character and life skills in interesting and tangible ways.

I don't know exactly how to say this more clearly, so any suggestions would be helpful.

You are quite clear. Unfortunately, it doesn't create a favorable impression, in my opinion. Broaden the topic to address how being poor affected other areas of your life.

Hi Vdog,

I understand the point you're trying to make and I think there are certain parts of your essay that paint the picture for the reader. However, I think you need to move away from some of your details and tell the reader exactly what they should be taking away for your DS(?).

“These bargain-hunting trips, which were a big part of my American childhood, helped develop my character and life skills in interesting and tangible ways.”

*This should be in your essay. It’s honest, it’s candid and it tells me exactly what I’m supposed to think. Start at this line, elaborate more and come back with a new draft.

You also have some grammar issues but it's still in the beginning stages. I would worry about that when you're closer to your final. Take another swing at it and if you want some more feedback from us, just let us know!

I hope this helps.