I think the topics you try to cover are too broad for a personal statement. You'd be better off writing a really positive
personal statement about something that you're really proud of that you've done recently
Then, you can write a diversity statement showing that you have a different outlook on life due to your background. However, try to put a positive spin on your difficult past to show that while it has certainly affected you, you have grown and become a better person because of it. You do not need to go into detail about what you faced, in fact I don't think you should. Instead, highlight the positive traits you have developed that set you apart from others.
Just a couple of thoughts from me
I thank you greatly for your opinion and think your tips are quite valuable. Unfortunately I am pretty bent on making this work and don't have much time before I send it out.
I was expecting two take 2 years off and continue interning before I applied to law school, but was blind sided by a good offer and would like to get my JD asap.
This needs to be done by next week. My ugpa/lsat is strong for where I am applying and they wont hold me back, but I also don't want to look like some sham sending in a poor personal statement.
Thanks again for your critique!