Tear this to shreds Forum

[Gwen]

Thanks for the comments

[scribelaw]

This needs a complete overhaul or, more likely, to be scrapped altogether.

1) The first paragraph is incredibly presumptuous and you come across as self-important -- bragging about bossing around lawyers, etc.

2) You definitely need to remove the portion about your boss hitting on you. I cringed the whole way through it. Consider your audience.

3) This statement jumps around. A lot. From your part-time gig to getting hit on by your boss to your moms upbrining to your dad. None of it has much to do with why you'd make a good law school candidate.

This needs to be about you, and it needs to have a central theme.

I'm sorry, but you need to start over.

Good luck, though!

[Gwen]

This the second essay she gave me this week. The other was very craptastic. Grrr. I really hoped this was salvageable even though I feel that it should be scrapped as well.