3rd Draft - I feel like i'm just missing the mark
Posted: Mon Jan 04, 2010 5:02 am
Any criticism will be greatly appreciated. I feel like it's missing something. Is there anything here that I should expand upon, or eliminate?
I grew up the bastard child of juvenile delinquents. I was Joe Amateur sitting at the poker table staring down Phil Helmuth armed with a pair of twos. My world was chaos, moving one family member’s house to another, navigating through a dark cloud of violence, drugs, and hunger. For me, role models were scarce, and the one person who might have served as my shepherd early on passed away only months before my birth, the result of an illness that has been speculated to have manifested out of the stress and pain that comes with knowing that your 16 year old baby is going to have a baby.
Never in any coherent thought did I ever consider the possibility that I could become a lawyer. My mind was a wonderful place full of possibilities, unrealistic through my circumstance, yet beautiful constructs of truth in my heart. Words of encouragement chimed a perfect song through my hopes, but always faded with no tangible foundation to reinforce them. As a child this was maddening, and through my escalating frustration I searched within. If it were true that I were to survive childhood with nothing positive in my life to model myself after, than I would become my own role model. I chose to bend fate to my own dreams, becoming the opposite of everything I understood my father to be.
At the age of 15, through my obsession, I started a neighborhood bible study, knowing nothing of the bible on my own. Why the Bible? It was that one mysterious place where everything was perfect; where guidance was abundant, through supernatural channels to shape me into something resembling a great man. I went for it, knowing that if I stood for something, others would follow, even in disagreement; and I was right. My first Bible study took place on a Friday night consisting of 10 friends from high school who thought I was absolutely nuts. The next week, their parents joined; mostly out of curiosity. It became the case in ensuing weeks, that I would have to prepare for 50+ teenagers and parents every Friday night to squeeze into our living room, all waiting for me to deliver a one hour speech on the topic of the day. My topics held no outline, since nobody was there to stop me; I spoke about anything I wanted. I spoke about issues important to who was there at the time. Mostly I spoke of hope, and the importance of modeling one’s self in youth as the person you wished to become in adulthood, using biblical anecdotes to reinforce the importance.
It got to the point where there was enough buzz to attract the attention of a local youth ministry who invited me to join them for a mid week service. I enthusiastically accepted the invitation; here was my opportunity to be taught, not to teach. Not long after my initial meeting with them, I was promoted into leadership where I learned some hard lessons about the truths behind the leaders ushering this ministry. Out of principle I left in shambles knowing that the one constant source of hope in my life was a fraud. I understood that I could not blame all of Christianity for the imperfections of a few individuals, but my faith was shattered.
I was 18 when I stopped trying to be my own role model, and moved to reconcile who I was. I have undergone many philosophy shifts, spiritual overtures, demonstrative inner conflicts that served only to delay the truth of what was already obvious. My life has served as an attempt to right wrongs around me; to halt the chain of sorrows ingrained into the DNA of my family history. I sought this justice through my marriage at 23, through the birth of my first child at 26, through my educational awakening at 23 to shift my focus to serve as an educational example to my siblings, through my refusal to settle on a profession unbefitting a man of my talents.
If justice is the thing I seek out of my natural inclination, then there could be no barriers in becoming a part of the one profession structured around its truth. Law is in my blood, and the only topic that stirs me to engage all my talents, in pursuit of its ultimate truth. For the first time in my 29 years, I am comfortable in my own skin. I have resolved to myself, and to those around me, that I am less than perfect, significantly more than adequate, and if given the opportunity, someone who will do remarkable things at INSERT LAW SCHOOL HERE.
I grew up the bastard child of juvenile delinquents. I was Joe Amateur sitting at the poker table staring down Phil Helmuth armed with a pair of twos. My world was chaos, moving one family member’s house to another, navigating through a dark cloud of violence, drugs, and hunger. For me, role models were scarce, and the one person who might have served as my shepherd early on passed away only months before my birth, the result of an illness that has been speculated to have manifested out of the stress and pain that comes with knowing that your 16 year old baby is going to have a baby.
Never in any coherent thought did I ever consider the possibility that I could become a lawyer. My mind was a wonderful place full of possibilities, unrealistic through my circumstance, yet beautiful constructs of truth in my heart. Words of encouragement chimed a perfect song through my hopes, but always faded with no tangible foundation to reinforce them. As a child this was maddening, and through my escalating frustration I searched within. If it were true that I were to survive childhood with nothing positive in my life to model myself after, than I would become my own role model. I chose to bend fate to my own dreams, becoming the opposite of everything I understood my father to be.
At the age of 15, through my obsession, I started a neighborhood bible study, knowing nothing of the bible on my own. Why the Bible? It was that one mysterious place where everything was perfect; where guidance was abundant, through supernatural channels to shape me into something resembling a great man. I went for it, knowing that if I stood for something, others would follow, even in disagreement; and I was right. My first Bible study took place on a Friday night consisting of 10 friends from high school who thought I was absolutely nuts. The next week, their parents joined; mostly out of curiosity. It became the case in ensuing weeks, that I would have to prepare for 50+ teenagers and parents every Friday night to squeeze into our living room, all waiting for me to deliver a one hour speech on the topic of the day. My topics held no outline, since nobody was there to stop me; I spoke about anything I wanted. I spoke about issues important to who was there at the time. Mostly I spoke of hope, and the importance of modeling one’s self in youth as the person you wished to become in adulthood, using biblical anecdotes to reinforce the importance.
It got to the point where there was enough buzz to attract the attention of a local youth ministry who invited me to join them for a mid week service. I enthusiastically accepted the invitation; here was my opportunity to be taught, not to teach. Not long after my initial meeting with them, I was promoted into leadership where I learned some hard lessons about the truths behind the leaders ushering this ministry. Out of principle I left in shambles knowing that the one constant source of hope in my life was a fraud. I understood that I could not blame all of Christianity for the imperfections of a few individuals, but my faith was shattered.
I was 18 when I stopped trying to be my own role model, and moved to reconcile who I was. I have undergone many philosophy shifts, spiritual overtures, demonstrative inner conflicts that served only to delay the truth of what was already obvious. My life has served as an attempt to right wrongs around me; to halt the chain of sorrows ingrained into the DNA of my family history. I sought this justice through my marriage at 23, through the birth of my first child at 26, through my educational awakening at 23 to shift my focus to serve as an educational example to my siblings, through my refusal to settle on a profession unbefitting a man of my talents.
If justice is the thing I seek out of my natural inclination, then there could be no barriers in becoming a part of the one profession structured around its truth. Law is in my blood, and the only topic that stirs me to engage all my talents, in pursuit of its ultimate truth. For the first time in my 29 years, I am comfortable in my own skin. I have resolved to myself, and to those around me, that I am less than perfect, significantly more than adequate, and if given the opportunity, someone who will do remarkable things at INSERT LAW SCHOOL HERE.