Diversity statement rough draft Forum

[mrm2083]

Let me know what you guys think

Ever since I was young, I always knew that I was different from
many other American children. The first time I truly noticed this
difference was when I was in the first grade. The teacher was going
down each row asking us what each of us saw on the page. I sat in my
chair, nervously waiting my turn. Once she reached me, I stood up and
stared at the page. I did not mutter a single word. I knew what the
picture displayed; it was a hammer. I did not know the term for it in
English, so I timidly whispered “martillo”, the Spanish word for
hammer. Until I could even realized that I had actually said that out
loud, I felt the stares and laughter coming from all the kids in the
class.
I knew how to speak English, but being from Cuban and Venezuelan
decent, my parents had taught me a mixture of Spanish and English or
“Spanglish”. After this incident, I tried my hardest to become fully
Americanized. I tried my best to blend in with everyone around me.
Although I put forth tremendous efforts to hide my heritage, I was not
able to run away from it. No matter how hard I tried, it was always
going to be a part of me.
I believe that my multicultural background will allow me to bring much
diversity, knowledge, and culture to Georgetown Law School. Unlike
many others, I can relate to people of all backgrounds. My heritage
consists of many cultures including Cuban, Venezuelan, and
Lebanese. I have had the opportunity to experience each of these
cultures first hand, and some of the hardships that come along with
them. I know that through my diverse background, I will be able to
show others with multicultural backgrounds that anything is possible if
you have strength and determination.

[Fuser]

Let me know what you guys think

Ever since I was young, I always knew that I was different from
many other American children. The first time I truly noticed this
difference was when I was in the first grade. The teacher was going
down each row asking us what each of us saw on the page. I sat in my
chair, nervously waiting my turn. Once she reached me, I stood up and
stared at the page. I did not mutter a single word. I knew what the
picture displayed; it was a hammer. I did not know the term for it in
English, so I timidly whispered “martillo”, the Spanish word for
hammer. Until I could even realized that I had actually said that out
loud, I felt the stares and laughter coming from all the kids in the
class.
I knew how to speak English, but being from Cuban and Venezuelan
decent, my parents had taught me a mixture of Spanish and English or
“Spanglish”. After this incident, I tried my hardest to become fully
Americanized. I tried my best to blend in with everyone around me.
Although I put forth tremendous efforts to hide my heritage, I was not
able to run away from it. No matter how hard I tried, it was always
going to be a part of me.
I believe that my multicultural background will allow me to bring much
diversity, knowledge, and culture to Georgetown Law School. Unlike
many others, I can relate to people of all backgrounds. My heritage
consists of many cultures including Cuban, Venezuelan, and
Lebanese. I have had the opportunity to experience each of these
cultures first hand, and some of the hardships that come along with
them. I know that through my diverse background, I will be able to
show others with multicultural backgrounds that anything is possible if
you have strength and determination.

There are a few grammatical mistakes, especially in the second paragraph, but I think most importantly you should stay away from talking about what others can or cannot do and talk about why you can do something. Stating that your multicultural background will allow you to bring diversity, is just OK, but I'd elaborate on why. No offense but overall it seems like a very generic Hispanic/Latino diversity statement.