This is adorable! I love the tepid coffee analogy.
Here's the first draft of my PS. Any input would be appreciated.
As finals week continued to drag [on], I decided to take a break from my incessant [diligent? ceaseless? maybe not] study regimen, and [I] soon found myself having a chat over coffee with a few of my [[strike]fellow[/strike]] class[oneword]mates. We were all seniors at the time, and naturally our conversation broached the topic of what we were to do with our lives after graduation. “Well,” I said, “I was planning on going to law school.” I was not the only one who could sense that my conviction was as tepid as the stale coffee I was sipping and it became apparent that I viewed law school merely as the logical next step after receiving my undergraduate degree.
My time spent at college provided me with a great learning experience and I always knew that a post graduate education was in my future. Throughout my undergraduate career I had transformed from an adolescent with a carefully cultivated devil-may-care attitude to a young adult ready to shape the community in which I belonged. During my sophomore year I was a student volunteer for the John Doe senatorial campaign and provided his aides with an intimate link to the student body. I had also grown intellectually. By the latter half of my senior year, I was able to cultivate my nascent interest in architectural history, which grew into the basis of research project tracing the evolution of the historic preservation movement in my home town [THATS SO ADORABLE <3]. Throughout this time I had an inkling feeling [deep inside - cliche wording] that I wanted to pursue a legal career, and after I receiving my diploma I decided to seek out the knowledge and experience necessary to bring that goal into fruition.
That summer I made up my mind that I was going to get my foot in the door, to develop a more intimate understanding of how my future may pan out should I decide to make law my profession. [WHY DO YOU PUT TWO SPACES BETWEEN SENTENCES? Modern typography does NOT call for this] I made use the resources available at my university’s career center, clicked endlessly through online job search engines, and scoured through newspaper after newspaper, trying to glean one open position from the help wanted section. Finally, I found the what I had been searching for, a job as a bankruptcy legal assistant at a small local law firm, and making that job mine soon became my raison d’être. I dusted off my resume and hand delivered it the very next day, and then began to wait. A week later, I followed up with a phone call, but all I got in return was a promise for a call back. Right when I was beginning to fear that this opportunity was about to slip through my fingers, I received the news that I had been waiting for. I landed the job.
I did not have much experience with bankruptcy or for that matter much experience with working in an office environment. I must admit, that during the first week on the job, I did feel a bit out of place explaining the process of a Chapter 7 bankruptcy to a potential client. Here I was, a pink faced twenty-something, fresh out of college, trying to console a person nearly twice my age. What I did have, however, was a desire to learn. Hearing the stories that clients would tell, often in a quivering tone, of how their efforts to free themselves from a mire of debt were to no avail made me realize that I had a valuable service to offer. Ignorance on my part would be inexcusable. I made an effort to become more familiar with the bankruptcy code. I looked up statistics on bankruptcy filings to discover that it was a fairly common occurrence [uh...duh....erm, okay....], and used this information to pacify guilt ridden clients. Soon the work became second nature, and receiving the thanks from clients upon hearing the news of their discharge made it [strike]all[/strike] worth[oneword]while.
At that moment I realized why I wished to pursue a law degree. It was not the prestige[strike],[/strike] or [strike]even[/strike] the possibility of a lucrative career. It was the knowledge that a legal education would provide me with a valuable skill – the ability to make a difference in someone’s life. I know that my real world experience [strike]coupled[/strike] my desire to learn [strike]would[/strike] WILL help me thrive in any academic setting, and I hope to realize my full potential at your institution.
I'm not the best editor, but...you know.