Below I pasted my rough draft of my new personal statement. I had to scrap my previous statement so I'm scrambling to get my applications done by the new year. I feel good about this topic and most of the content. The first and last paragraph I'm iffy about, especially the opening sentence, which is my attempt at humor.

So please, critique it as you please. I'm sure it can't hurt as bad as some of the punches I've taken.

Growing up in a close-knit Italian household, I gained vast amounts of experience in two subjects; argument, or as my Father liked to call them, ‘loud disagreements’, and food. Possibly too much of the latter as I battled throughout my youth, with limited success to control my weight. Neglecting the root cause of my struggle, I experimented with endless gimmicks and fads in my hopeless quest for the quick fix. I went from the ab rockers to drastically restrictive diets and almost any other fitness infomercial that can only be found on television at 3a.m. Eventually, in an attempt to conceal my personal disappointments, I began to internalize the belief that I was always going to be called the ‘fat kid’ and there was not anything I could do to resolve the problem. I am big-boned, not obese and I do not eat excessively, I was born with an unfortunately sluggish metabolism. I was content with this covenient cover-up until I returned home from a summer vacation spent with my grandmother in New Jersey. I plodded through the Savannah Airport terminal, Oreos in hand, searching through the crowded lobby for my Mother and Father. After spotting my Mother by the luggage return, I excitedly scurried towards her. My happiness faded in an instant as she peered in my direction and looked away. Quickly she turned her head back with a look of disbelief as she recognized it was me. I will never forget her hugging me and saying, “Hey, I almost did not know it was you. You look different.” Kindhearted and optimistic, that was my Mother’s gentle way of informing me that I gained weight. Oddly, hearing those words from her hurt more than the sum of all the disparaging names I was called in the past. Later that day, I looked down at the scale, in utter astonishment at the digital readout indicating that I gained twenty pounds! At that moment I knew I had to change.
The solution to my problem came in an unexpected form, a pair of boxing gloves. I joined a boxing gym with three friends of mine that also desired to lose weight. Since the first day I wrapped my hands for an intense workout, I came to love the sport. Within a month of my journey, my friends quit due to the difficulty of the training and encouraged me to do the same. Feeling a sense of déjà vu, I found myself in a situation that seemed all too familiar. My customary response was to choose the path of least resistance, regardless of which was beneficial. Realizing that strategy hindered me in the past, I chose to continue boxing and I am a better person for it.
Unaware of it at the time, my weight issue was merely a sign of a more significant problem, my lack of restraint. The ‘Sweet Science’ showed me how essential self-accountability is to be successful. Before my first amateur bout, I became conscious to the fact that I would possibly compete against opponents whom were stronger, faster, taller and older. In the boxing ring, the only variable I could control was me. The training involves goal-setting and a strict adherance to a regiment for any possibility of victory. This was why I always applied myself harder than anyone in preparation. While I was not the greatest pugilist in the gym, I was determined to be the most conditioned. Within the first six months, I lost thirty pounds. As a result, my self-esteeem improved and I felt more comfortable in social situations since I was no longer self-conscious about my physical appearance.
I have continually progressed in my educational career as my life is now structured. I am able to set objectives and do what is necessary to ensure the highest probability of fruition. I learned to thrive on the challenge and pressure of demanding situations. I enjoy analyzing situations to look for the merit of each position while maintaining neutral on the issue. For this reason, I believe law school is the right choice for me. Analgous to boxing, I understand in the study and practice of law there are always people with more experience or better credentials. In the same way, I apply myself wholeheartedly to make the best of my education, career and ultimately, my life.

What do you want to do with LAW? Everyone writes these heartfelt PS... YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT. The schools you are applying to know that you are looking for a challenge, they know that you can probably be a good student... they are looking for why are you interested in Law and why you will still be interested in 3 years... 10 years, why you will be a successful professional lawyer. What will keep you coming back the next day. What is your drive? Why are you more relevant than the other 2,000 students that sent in sappy stories about how something that has nothing to do with law was hard so now they are striving for greatness.

Imagine reading these. The story is touching, but it has almost nothing to do with Law or the Legal profession. Do you want to fight for more food content disclosures? Advocate for boxing/sports entities? Connect it to Law, everyone has done something hard and therefore wants to do something harder... make yourself stand out with a relevant story, not just another bland "triumph over adversity" sob story.

(Sorry if by bluntness offended you. I completely respect your story, but in the context of admissions, I don't think that it embodies an ideal personal statement.)

Hope I helped.
Good luck.

No offense taken. I'm thick skinned and appreciate the advice. Its funny you mention about the food content disclosure and boxing because those see two subjects I feel strongly about. I think the lax FDA regulations on supplements and fitness equipment need to change. The diet industry is a multibilllion dollar a year industry profitting from many unsubstantiated claims. As far as boxing, the fighters usually get the short end of the stick in many negotiations and contracts (think Mike Tyson and Don King) with their promoters and managers so I'd be interested in advocating as s sports attorney negotiating contracts on the boxer's behalf. How would you suggest I incorporate either of these themes? Cut out what I can about the sob story while still getting the message across. Thanks again for the onstructive criticism. Mike

this advice is terrible. you do not have to write about the law in your PS, and you're better off not doing it if you're going to sound naive and insincere (you will).

What I thought of upon seeing the title:

Hi Mike,

I really understand where you're coming from in this PS, but I do think it might help to mention how this is going to help you become a better lawyer. I am having the same issue with mine as well (that is, trying to avoid sounding too cliche as well as attempting to show how I will be a good law student/lawyer). It might help if you could address your knowledge of FDA regulations (like you said you know a bit about in a previous post) and maybe tie that into something relating to your interest in the law. Also, a few grammatical things that I noticed but I'm sure you will fix those in subsequent drafts.

you do NOT need to talk about the law.

Depends on the school you're applying to. Some want you to mention a thing or two about why you'd want to practice law. Others leave the topic up to you, but I think if you don't address law specifically in those cases, at least highlight great qualities about yourself that would make you seem incredibly attractive as a law student.

superserial obviously didn't do very well on the reading comp section of the LSAT... And my advice is terrible if your goal is to get rejected from most LS's.

I didn't say to write about law in a way that is over your head. You are making a $100k+ decision... why did you choose law? Why not any other masters program? You should connect your life experiences and passions to why you want to pursue a legal education. Convey some kind of purpose in law. To be clear I was not advising you to act like you know anything about law. You don't have to know 100% exactly what you want to do in Law, but at least convey why you are committed.

Yeah, you also do not have to use punctuation but I would advise that you do. This is not an application for a masters in creative writing. This is an impersonal one question paper interview. Including why you are drawn to and committed to the legal profession is a definite plus.

I disagree, you do not need to talk about the law.

All opinions are appreciated. For the majority of the schools I plan on applying to they like to see some link to the law in your personal statement. I like the suggestions about the FDA and boxing law. I'm going to work on revising it to include a link to one of the two. To clarify, I was going to express my feelings and/or interest to see change in the subject without pretending to know a lot about law (I wouldn't be applying if I did). Thanks for the replies.

I've been cutting out some of the fluff in my PS to include a stronger link to law. I fear I'm getting a bit off topic and although I'm genuinely interested in the topic, possibly coming off as phony.

Here is the meat of the paragraph I typed up to provide a connection to how I became interested in law.

"In retrospect, I marvel at the amount of time and money I exhausted in searching for a magic bullet. My interest in law came as a result of this. I want to gain a better understanding of food and drug law as it pertains to the diet industry because it is a business that has impacted my life. The benefit of these experiences was that I learned there are no shortcuts for anything that is worth striving for. Millions of people are swindled into purchasing ineffective supplements and exercise equipment as a result of the misleading claims and advertisements of conniving companies. Given that the FDA regulates dietary supplements as food instead of drugs, these companies are able to make specific health claims, regardless of actual efficacy, with the exception of treating and curing cancer"

Obviously, it isn't complete but I feel the FDA stuff may be too much information but at the same time I want to show that I'm not ignorant of what I'm talking about. Any thoughts or opinions are welcome.

Thanks!
Mike

With most PS', the problem I see (and had myself) is alluding to issues. Just state them. The topic of law, however, should not be handled in this manner. I think a well constructed PS will allow the reader to know why you want to study law and what qualities you have that will contribute to your success, without have to say "for the reasons described, my interest in law is unwaivering". My advice, OP, is to tighten the PS up. The more you do this, the more you and your intentions come through and the issue of 'why' you want to be a lawyer will almost completely take care of itself.

I like how you counter my alleged RC fail with an epic RC fail and more terrible advice.

You don't have to write about law in personal statements. Secondly, I'm a recreational bodybuilder and rely on supplements to enhance my training. How is this relevant? I don't like the FDA's power to regulate safe supplements that are misused by uninformed consumers searching for a miracle pill that will make them thin or give them tight abs or huge muscles. What you can focus on is how you might educate and change the advertising of said supplements with regulation. What creative manner can you think of to regulate how such products are used, advertised, sold, or manufactured? Aside from the obvious FDA should do this and I want to the FDA to change supplement categorizing, think about you could do without the aide of the FDA.

I'm also an avid follower of mixed-martial arts and let me tell you, those fighters are putting their lives on the line to give the public a great fight and they are doing it, on most cases if not all, with no health insurance. Also, there is no fighters' union like in baseball. Wouldn't a union benefit fighters? I understand you are into boxing, and that's great. Boxers, although they do not have health insurance nor a union, get paid way more per fight (I believe) than mixed martial artists (fighters). How can you as a boxer be alright with there not being a union nor health insurance in your sport?

There is more to law than the law. Think about how you can change something using the law and without possibly going to court and getting all parties involved agreeing harmoniously.

Excuse my tangent, just trying to give you some perspective. I like what your PS is about so far, but I'm sure that every boxer can benefit from a lawyer that wishes boxers had health insurance and a union.

Remember, the worst vice is advice. So, take all advice on here with a grain of salt, but don't rule any advice you get as useless or terrible. If you want to talk more about regulation and sports or supplements, post on here and I can probably help you out. I used to be a certified personal trainer and have been a recreational bodybuilder for a few years. Yes, I know the bodybuilding world is also plagued with legal contradictions as well. Find them in boxing and you can be well on your way to writing a good personal statement.

+1
Every book on how to get into law school advises you not to write about the law unless you have a very good reason to do so. I'm curious whence this poster is getting his advice.

This is going in the "write" track. Can you expand more on your personal impact? Also, understand that there are supplements that are backed by science. What about them? The LSAT teaches you to utilize grammar in a very tight and precise manner while keeping a good sense of all point of views in an argument. When you state
"that supplements are making unsubstantiated claims and raking in major profits" this is where you begin to sound like just another person trying to stand up for the little guy and go after the corporation and you are ignoring the fact that supplementation has advance very well and is backed by scientific evidence. Prime example: Muscle Tech.

I see what you're saying about making it sound as if all supplements are shams (they are NOT) as I do take some lol. Things like creatine are well researched and results well documented without needing FDA approval. I will have to make it clear that I'm not generalizing. Now that you mention it I realize that it would be a complicated and most likely costly, for the FDA to do much. I guess I'm not aware of any creative solution but the only thing I think that would work is a more informed public that understands some level of commitment between diet and exercise is needed to see change.

I like your idea about the boxers' union and health insurance. Currently, I know the WBC offers some partial plan but it isn't sufficient. It doesn't cover for injuries incurred during ACTUAL combat! The health issues are part of the reason why I mentioned about fighters getting their due salary. If you're thinking of the Delahoyas, Mayweathers and Pacquiaos they are often making seven figures a fight but this isn't the norm. In some of the gyms I've trained in I've seen former professional contenders that don't have a dime to their name due to bad management.

I'm going to have to think about which route I want to take. Thanks for the great advice.

No problem. Glad I was able to help.

I touched up my PS as I'd like to get it out today or tomorrow at the latest. I have alternative endings and just wanted to see which one everyone felt was better for admissions purposes. Personally I feel stronger and more confident in my discussion of boxing and think it is the right choice for me. Thanks for any input.

"I was sixteen years old when I learned the importance of self-accountability. Growing up in a close-knit Italian family, food was a comforting aspect of life that served to bring everyone together. It could be argued I experienced too much of a good thing. I battled throughout my youth with limited success to control my weight. Neglecting the root cause of my struggle, I tried everything in my hopeless quest for the quick fix; from abdominal wheels to drastically restrictive diets and almost any other fitness product that can only be found on television at 3a.m. In an attempt to conceal my personal disappointments, I began to internalize the belief that I would always be called the ‘fat kid’ and there was not a thing I could do to resolve the problem. I am big-boned, not obese and I do not eat excessively, I have an unfortunately sluggish metabolism. I was content with this convenient cover-up until I returned home from a summer vacation visiting my grandmother in New Jersey. I plodded through the Savannah Airport terminal, Oreos in hand, searching the crowded lobby for my Mother and Father. After spotting my Mother by the luggage return, I excitedly scurried towards her. My happiness faded in an instant as she peered in my direction and looked away. Quickly she turned her head back with a look of disbelief as she recognized it was me. Although she did not comment about my appearance, her facial expression said everything. Oddly, this event hurt more than the sum of all the disparaging names I was called in the past. It was at that moment I knew I had to change.
The solution to my problem came in an unexpected form, a pair of boxing gloves. I joined a boxing gym with three friends of mine that also desired to lose weight. Since the first day I wrapped my hands in gauze for an intense workout, I loved the sport. However, my friends quit due to the difficulty of the training and encouraged me to do the same. Feeling a sense of déjà vu, I found myself in a situation that seemed all too familiar. My customary response was to choose the path of least resistance, regardless of the consequences. Realizing this strategy hindered me in the past, I chose to continue boxing and I am a better person for it.
The ‘Sweet Science’ showed me how vital personal responsibility is to becoming successful. I became conscious to the fact that I would possibly compete against opponents whom were stronger, faster, taller and older. Boxing is a team sport in the sense that I could not prepare for a tournament without the help of others; although in the boxing ring, the only variable that I could control was me. I compensated for disparities in natural athleticism with my endurance. While I was not the most gifted pugilist in the gym, I was determined to be the best conditioned. Within the first six months, I lost thirty pounds. My self-esteem and general outlook on life improved as I was no longer insecure about my appearance.

Choice One: Although none of the individuals made it to the upper-echelon of the sport, I have had the privilege of meeting several former professional boxers while training in various gyms. The majority of these men had permanent injuries that were sustained during their careers although they often lacked the finances for treatment. After paying their team, including the trainer, manager and promoter, the boxer is left with a fraction of the original purse. This may not be a problem for the few world champions making millions of dollars each fight, but they comprise a small percentage of the whole. Law school will help me further my interest of advocating on the behalf of professional boxers in their contractual agreements. This would be the first step towards my ultimate objective of establishing a union, like that of the National Football League, to provide health insurance to boxers and protect the future of the sport. The current optional coverage provided by the World Boxing Council is insufficient as it does not provide assistance for injuries incurred during actual combat. My familiarity with boxing combined with a law degree will provide me with the comprehension and capacity required to make sure the pertinent issues are given the proper attention.
Unaware of it at the time, my weight issue was merely a side effect of a more significant problem, my lack of determination. The training involved in preparing for a boxing match involves goal-setting and a strict adherence to a regimen for any possibility of becoming victorious. This process is not only helpful, but sometimes necessary to progress in other areas of life. Nothing worth striving for is easily achieved. This is the primary reason for my past academic success and my belief that I will excel in the demanding environment of law school.

Choice Two: The training involved in preparing for a boxing match involves goal-setting and a strict adherence to a regimen for any possibility of becoming victorious. I have come to understand that this process is not only helpful, but sometimes necessary to progress in other areas of life. Unaware of it at the time, my weight issue was merely a trivial side effect of a more significant problem, my lack of determination. In retrospect, I marvel at the amount of time and money I exhausted in searching for a magic bullet. My past experiences sparked my interest in our legal system. Now I know that anything worth striving for requires commitment. This realization is responsible for my academic achievements and belief that I will succeed in law school. Millions of people purchase ineffective supplements and exercise equipment as a result of the misleading claims and advertisements of conniving companies. Of course there are proven products on the market, but it is difficult to distinguish between the two, even for knowledgeable consumers. Given that the FDA regulates dietary supplements as food instead of drugs, these companies are able to make specific health claims, regardless of actual efficacy, with the exception of treating and curing cancer. A product is only investigated after it is proven to be dangerous. A law degree would aid me in my aim of increasing advertising guidelines to protect consumers from not only harmful products, but inefficient ones as well. Weeding out those supplements will help America in curbing the obesity epidemic.