Hey guys, just wanted to know what you guys think, and regarding the content of the essay, you think it is overused?
Thanks a bunch! Dave
For my high school senior year spring break in 2005, I, along with two of my best friends Mitsu and Jay, decided to go to Myrtle Beach. As our plane descended into Myrtle Beach, I saw paradise outside my window: bright sun, blue ocean, white-sanded beach, people in t-shirts and shorts. This was going to be a great week I thought, and it was, for a bit at least. Our first destination of the week was Broadway at the Beach, a giant amusement park supplemented with endless restaurants and shops. The place was simply amazing, in fact, we ended up spending the whole day there. After dinner in the park’s Hard Rock Cafe, we decided to call it a day as it was getting dark. Since our hotel was only about a couple of miles away and that we had all overate, we chose to walk back. About ten minutes into our trek, I noticed some incoming traffic was honking at us as they passed by. I did not give the phenomenon much thought since I was too occupied bantering with Mitsu and Jay. Then, all of sudden, an old Ford pickup screeched to a halt right besides us. Strange I thought, but perhaps the driver needed some directions. He did not. Instead, the driver, a rather old white guy wearing a John Deere hat, upon seeing me and my Japanese friend shouted: “ f__k off you f__king chinks, don’t ever let me see you around here again. And to my friend Jay, who was Caucasian, the driver demanded to know “what the f__k are you doing with these chinks?” At first, I was emotionless as I had yet to grasp what had just happened. As a Han Chinese who lived his first ten years in China, a country whose population is comprised of more than 90 percent Han Chinese, I knew absolutely nothing about racism. And after my family immigrated to the US in 1997, though my father warned me that I could face racism in school, I personally faced none; thus the concept remained illusionary and elusive, just something this is shown on television and movies.
However, after the driver sped off, I felt streams of adrenaline erupting into my head as it became blood red, and as I became angry, no, enraged; it was the first and only time in my life that I was racially discriminated against. At the same time, I felt scared; we were walking in a foreign city under darkness and who knows what else could happen. And most importantly, I felt powerless, simply helpless; I thought there was nothing I could do to receive justice for what just happened. What would the police do even if I filed a report? What could they do without any evidence? What could my parents do if I called them and told them what happened? At the time, I assumed probably not much. Consequently, I did nothing in response to the incident; in fact, I told no one what had happened after we returned home to Detroit, not to my other friends and not even to my parents as I did not want them to start worrying.
Today, though it is unfortunate that the event remains fresh in my memories, remembering the sense of powerlessness that I felt that night, nonetheless, has been beneficial: it has become the primary motivation that is driving me to become a lawyer. No, it is not because I seek revenge for what happened in 2005, as I realized shortly after the incident that there are racist and xenophobic people everywhere in the world, and the fact that the majority of Americans are extremely friendly and open-minded people, as I have seen those qualities in the friends I have made since immigrating to the US, my parents’ friends, and also the teachers and professors who I have become close to over my academic career. The main reason why I want to attend law school and become a lawyer is that I do not want any other people to have to feel the same feelings that I felt on that night in Myrtle Beach. But if they do, I hope I can offer them not only legal expertise, but also a sense of relief and hope.
Started reading it...First thought, someone hurling a racial at you slur, while incendiary, does not constitute discrimination.....you have to remember your audience will most likely be a bunch of lawyers. Also, it is hard for me to tie this together, i.e. someone hurled a slur at you and it suddenly sparked your interest in law. How do you intend to use your knowledge gained in law school to combat discrimination/lessen people's usage of racial epitaphs?
Edit: your sentence structure and grammar need to undergo serious revision. As it stands right now, this essay should not be submitted, and needs a lot of work. Try rewriting some things and have a professor proofread it or something.
One last thing, your PS is short as is, you dont need to go into excruciating detail about every aspect of your vacation...cut that stuff out.