Here's my PS. Please critique. I'd be happy to swap with anyone (3.77 gpa, 162 LSAT). I'm afraid it sounds arrogant and doesn't communicate effectively.


I have dropped more than twenty pounds for a wrestling match, skateboarded down handrails of stair sets ten feet high, back-packed 76 miles in under one week, and even overcome falling ill to West Nile virus; but none of these achievements could ever measure up to the mental wrangling I experienced, gripping a rock wall with chalk-dusted hands 40 feet above the ground. At the behest of a friend, I had decided to give the sport of rock climbing a shot and soon learned a new lesson from the incredibly humbling capacity of the sport.
Having always been physically active, I figured this experience would be no different from my other athletic endeavors. I started my climb with relative ease and finesse. However, almost to the top, I suddenly experienced a crushing sensation of fear, self-doubt, and panic. The next portion of my climb would require a leap of faith, forcing me to grip holds with my fingertips and grunt my way over a final outcropping. “Just let go, the rope will catch you,” I thought to myself. “No!” I let out an embarrassingly weak “unngh” and lunged for the next hold. As I scrambled over the top and reached the end, I realized that it wasn’t so bad after all. Legs shaking and arms trembling, I felt a renewed sense of achievement. Despite the self-doubt and sense of limitation, I had conquered that rock face.
When I began examining myself to understand what distinguishes me as an ideal candidate for law school, I realized it was not only experiences like this one, but my desire to seek out these experiences that sets me apart from other candidates. Although an element of self-reinforcement motivates this behavior, the dominant driving factor behind my decisions has always been the desire to improve, achieve, and learn from new experiences. I thoroughly enjoy approaching new challenges and have learned to accept risk and the possibility of failure.
I entered college with a less mature version of this same attitude, seeking engaging and varied coursework in order to discover my true academic interests and potential. Though adjusting to undergraduate life proved challenging, I soon discovered an interest in international law and policy-making, accounting, and management. As I progressed, I developed an appreciation for the interactive group-oriented assignments in management classes and the research required for policy papers in political science courses. On this path of discovery I also found a mentor, xxxx, who encouraged me to tackle a senior honors thesis in my third year. Driven to reach the highest level of success in this venture, I submitted a copy for consideration by an awards panel and, to my great elation, received the Eckstein Award for Outstanding Honors Thesis. Never in my life had I ever experienced such a profound feeling of accomplishment and academic achievement, nor had I felt such strong motivation to continue my academic success.
Upon graduating I continued with this same mentality: rather than seek out entry-level employment until law school, I decided to utilize the practical accounting skills I had learned as an accounting minor to begin work as an accounting consultant. Although the process was slow and I received a good amount of rejection, within a few months I had managed to develop client base ranging from industrial fabrication to a newly established restaurant. I found working with small business owners to assist them with problem solving and development of business strategies exhilarating. Without a doubt, I have formed myself into a more confident individual with a strengthened belief in my ability to succeed as a result of these experiences.
This is the attitude that I will carry forward into law school. Through every experience in my life, whether good or bad, I have derived important lessons of my abilities, how I can succeed, and where I can improve. My interests in research and forming arguments and policy, combined with my strong drive to succeed in both the academic and professional setting will propel me through a successful experience in law school and a successful career in business law.


Thanks in advance

...

^ Don't listen to this bad advice. You can't waste your two page limited space dwelling on your weaknesses. The PS is a showcase of your strengths that you believe will make you a good law school candidate.

The effect I was going for was more to illustrate the concept that, despite having experienced success, I've always those experiences as opportunities to learn.

I don't know if I'd have enough space to include an additional story of an experience in which I didn't succeed.

Any more comments anybody??

I have to say, I've read a bunch of PSs today with the hopes of people reciprocating with feedback (your's would be appreciated too!). While it's a bit rough around the edges style/grammar wise, all in all this is an amazing PS. The one and only thing I could find fault in, is that if your going to mention your mentor, you should devote a few more lines to him.

Otherwise, there's no reason not to omit him as being the driving force... let the law school possibly make a faulty inference and assume it was your drive and determination that caused you to go for the thesis award a year early.

Definitely don't send it off yet, clean it up a bit and have it proofread by a few people (people that'll take the time to do it right, maybe your mom/spouse/sibling)... but I think you're pretty much there... considering others find me arrogant sometimes, take this as the shower of praise I intend it to be.

Good but not great. Add detail to exhibit the sensations of the narrative. For example:

BEFORE: The next portion of my climb would require a leap of faith, forcing me to grip holds with my fingertips and grunt my way over a final outcropping. “Just let go, the rope will catch you,” I thought to myself.

AFTER: The last three feet of the rock face glared at me, taunting me to quit. My fingertips, caked in chalk and sweat, begged to surrender. "Just let go...

Same idea, same amount of space (actually the second version is a little shorter, which is helpful when you're trying to pack your life's worth into 2 pages), but a little more intensity and captivating.

Good luck!